What is family?

I've been thinking a lot about what makes a family.  I have often felt like the boys and I aren't really a family anymore now that Sean died.  I know that's not true but I guess this new set up isn't ever what I pictured family life to be like.  Who would choose to have 4 kids all by themselves?  As I was typing that I thought of a couple people I have heard of so I know it happens.  It's just not very common.

I just always liked being a "typical" family.  I enjoyed being different because we had four boys.  I loved going places with all of us together.  I really liked that we were all so happy together.  It was great being the assistant coach to the best coach and team in the whole world.  I never wanted to be the boss of this family.  I was perfectly happy being the backbone.

I am getting used to being the highest authority in the family.  I am starting to feel like we are a still a real family.  Things are getting better in some ways and harder in others.  Our family dynamic is greatly improving.  I think I'm much more even keel with the kids.  I haven't been having such a roller coaster ride with my emotions (or maybe hormones.....).  Christopher is so much calmer and better behaved that people have been asking if he's on medication.   He's not.  I've changed the way I deal with him and he seems to be responding quite well.

Jake has been having a lot more trouble.  He seems so much like me.  He just won't open up and share his deep feelings.  He has been so emotional lately.  He gets so upset and thinks that he is never treated fairly.  He says he never gets treats/his way/etc almost every day.  He has been getting plenty of treats and getting what he wants often.  It worries me that he is showing such a sense of entitlement.  He seems willing to take the victim role. 

Another thing Jake has been doing is getting upset when I tell him to get ready for school or to put his shoes on or get ready for bed.  You get the picture.  He says, "Why do I have to .........?  I do that almost every day.  I don't want to do that.  It's too hard.  Why can't you do it for me?  I just don't get how he can make such a big deal out of such small things.  It makes me wonder what the real issue is.

It's just the way it goes that as soon as Christopher starts improving, Jake starts acting out.  David has been a handful since Sean died but I think he's getting better  too.  It's a lot of work to choose one or two behaviors for each boy and then stay consistent working on them.  That's four to eight behaviors 24 hours a day!  I am so drained by the end of every night.  I am proud of myself if I can make it all day being fully engaged with them.  It's a huge job.  Then there's all the other "business" to tend to.  Running a house requires so much.  It seems like the appointments are never ending. 

I have also been thinking a lot about our extended family.  What makes them family?  Are we technically still family?  I'm not legally related to the Bloom side anymore but the kids are.  How does that work?  I know none of it matters anyway.  I've come to the conclusion that family is a choice and a commitment.  There are lots of people out there who walk away from their birth family and never look back.  I don't want to be that way.  I am choosing to stay committed to my entire family.  I am trying to make an effort with everyone but there just doesn't seem to be enough time or energy in the day to make contact with everyone that I am thinking of.

Battery is almost dead and so is my brain.  Guess this is it for the night.