I have been so blown away by God's love for us lately. He is providing for our every need and bringing amazing people into our lives. I just can't even express the wonder and mystery of it all. I guess no one can when trying to explain God.
Yesterday a group of people came over to do our yard work and load up all the junk that's been hanging around our yard for way too long. They filled a trailer so full that I don't even know how Kris is going to haul it away!
The gang was amazing. It was a mix of teens and grownups. Some of the adults had heard that the kids were coming to help and they asked if they could help too. It's amazing to me that teenagers would want to volunteer their time to me. I was not that kind of teen. I bet my life would have gone a lot differently if I was!
After all their hard work, they even offered to take us out for pizza. That was humbling too. I am learning to receive God's blessing without feeling ashamed or like I need to pay it all back. People hear God's call to help and they obey. It doesn't even have to be about me at all even though they are coming to serve me. If God calls, we better obey!
The verse of the day on my phone was John 8:36. "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." That kept coming to mind as so much goodness was being showered upon us yesterday. God has set me free from shame. He doesn't want me to apologize for having needs. He is using my needs to show me His great love for me. He is bringing His body together to help us and to show us that we really are one great big family. There is no limit to what can be accomplished when we work together according to God's call for His purposes.
I'm looking forward to the day when my boys and I can be part of a work crew to bless someone else who needs it. I'm listening now for the Holy Spirit to guide me and show me what I can do right now to be a part of the "blessing cycle".
I know that people have different seasons of need and giving. I know that right now, we are in a season of need. But, we can still give in different ways. I find it all so amazing.
God is in control of everything. Sean used to say, "Don't worry about that, my Dad's the King." He would tell me that when I was worried about money or not having something that I thought we needed. He wanted me to know that God can provide all things in abundance for those who trust in Him. God is proving faithful every step of the way!
Yesterday I was telling Kris that I just couldn't believe all the things that were being taken care of for us. He said, "God just wants to show you how much He loves you." My first thought was, "Why didn't he just let Sean live?" But if He had, I never would have had all these opportunities to see God's love come through His people.
I might not have gotten to understand the way God's economy works. God owns everything. He lets us use it until it's time to pass it on to the next person that God wants it to go to. I love to see this in action. It's great when the thing that you are done with is the very thing that someone else is in need of. It's the same with our time and money. Not that we are done with it but that we can choose to use it to bless others. We are not all called for the same jobs or to give to the same people. It's great to know that if we are all listening to the Spirit, everything gets done and no one is overburdened or burned out.
I'm just starting to really get this and I'm sure I have much to learn. I am just so blown away by the way people are reaching out to help us. It seems like six months have gone by now and people should be forgetting about us. But they aren't. As lonely as life can feel sometimes, we are not alone. We are loved by the biggest God there ever could be and we are loved by lots of people. I don't understand why, but I know it's true.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
We have been so busy! Our pancake breakfast fundraiser was amazing. We raised almost enough to pay for the rest of the school year! I think we only need $145 to finish it up. How amazing!! There was a good turn out and it was lots of fun. So many people came to help out with the event that it all seemed to come together just right. Thank you helpers!!
We also had a birthday party for a friend here at our house last night. It was a big day but so full of fun and blessings. We had the privilege of meeting another Jacob who is 9 years old. He was so sweet and polite. After the party was over, Christopher told me that Jacob was sad for him because his dad died. I asked what Jacob said. Christopher told me that Jacob prayed with him. Wow! What an amazing kid!
I can't believe how busy we have been. It's good to keep us going but I am ready for a break. It's just that the boys aren't really into resting at this point in life. I think we'll go out to pick some fruit today. At least I'll be sitting down while I drive us out there!
We camped at Lake Roosevelt last weekend. After getting home and sleeping on it, I determined that it was a good trip and we would do it again. It was hard for me emotionally but also good for me to know that camping is doable without Sean. My friends took some of the burden off of me so I could ease into the whole thing without Sean. They took care of all the meals and helped out so much with the boys. They had the big kids out on a boat all day Saturday. Boy did they sleep good that night!!
Although it's been really hard lately for me in the grief process, I am also seeing God's love too. I am learning to really lean on Him and seek him out in ways that I most likely never would have before losing Sean. Sean was my spiritual leader and so full of wisdom that I would usually take the easy way and just go ask Sean. It's alot different to pray and listen and wait for an answer. God's voice and leading are so different. It seems though, that we are actually starting to have conversations. I hadn't really experienced that before. It's true that we have to practice the presence of God. He's always there, we just don't really know how to tune into Him. Lord, please keep growing me. I want to hear and obey!
I don't understand why Sean couldn't stay here to finish this race with me. I do see all the growth in my life and in those around me. I do see Sean's life and death making an impact on others. Sometimes I think really pessimistic thoughts about life and humanity. It seems that people live and die and don't really matter much after they pass on. We make people so important while they are with us and then just forget about them when they are no longer present. I want Sean's life and death to matter for a long time to come. I want to see people making positive changes in their lives because of Sean's example. I want to pass on all the amaziing things about Sean to his sons.
Sean was creating a legacy of involved and loving fathering. He was changing the whole course of our family tree. We both grew up pretty distant from our fathers. We both felt the heartache of having that longing for something more. Sean was not going to let our boys feel that. He lived for family time. It makes no sense to me why a man whose primary desire was to be here for his family had to die so young. So many men are out there living for themselves and just giving the minimum to their wives and children. Why did a man who was wanting to help other men love and serve their families have to leave this world so early? He was doing so much that seemed so important. I know that God can continue that work through anybody. I just wish it was through Sean. I would love to go back to the comfortable life we had together. Boy was it good!
I miss Sean's strength and love. I miss him touching me. I miss the snuggles and looking into his eyes. I miss his hugs after having a hard day. I miss talking to him over coffee in the morning. I miss rubbing his back and arms while he drifted off to sleep. I miss seeing him walk in the door. I miss seeing the boys light up and go running out to greet him. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss his big shoes. I miss putting away his laundry. I miss dinner conversations. I miss seeing Sean get the boys motivated to clean up after dinner. I miss his kisses and his soft but scratchy neck. I miss holding his hand at church. I miss just about everything about him.
We also had a birthday party for a friend here at our house last night. It was a big day but so full of fun and blessings. We had the privilege of meeting another Jacob who is 9 years old. He was so sweet and polite. After the party was over, Christopher told me that Jacob was sad for him because his dad died. I asked what Jacob said. Christopher told me that Jacob prayed with him. Wow! What an amazing kid!
I can't believe how busy we have been. It's good to keep us going but I am ready for a break. It's just that the boys aren't really into resting at this point in life. I think we'll go out to pick some fruit today. At least I'll be sitting down while I drive us out there!
We camped at Lake Roosevelt last weekend. After getting home and sleeping on it, I determined that it was a good trip and we would do it again. It was hard for me emotionally but also good for me to know that camping is doable without Sean. My friends took some of the burden off of me so I could ease into the whole thing without Sean. They took care of all the meals and helped out so much with the boys. They had the big kids out on a boat all day Saturday. Boy did they sleep good that night!!
Although it's been really hard lately for me in the grief process, I am also seeing God's love too. I am learning to really lean on Him and seek him out in ways that I most likely never would have before losing Sean. Sean was my spiritual leader and so full of wisdom that I would usually take the easy way and just go ask Sean. It's alot different to pray and listen and wait for an answer. God's voice and leading are so different. It seems though, that we are actually starting to have conversations. I hadn't really experienced that before. It's true that we have to practice the presence of God. He's always there, we just don't really know how to tune into Him. Lord, please keep growing me. I want to hear and obey!
I don't understand why Sean couldn't stay here to finish this race with me. I do see all the growth in my life and in those around me. I do see Sean's life and death making an impact on others. Sometimes I think really pessimistic thoughts about life and humanity. It seems that people live and die and don't really matter much after they pass on. We make people so important while they are with us and then just forget about them when they are no longer present. I want Sean's life and death to matter for a long time to come. I want to see people making positive changes in their lives because of Sean's example. I want to pass on all the amaziing things about Sean to his sons.
Sean was creating a legacy of involved and loving fathering. He was changing the whole course of our family tree. We both grew up pretty distant from our fathers. We both felt the heartache of having that longing for something more. Sean was not going to let our boys feel that. He lived for family time. It makes no sense to me why a man whose primary desire was to be here for his family had to die so young. So many men are out there living for themselves and just giving the minimum to their wives and children. Why did a man who was wanting to help other men love and serve their families have to leave this world so early? He was doing so much that seemed so important. I know that God can continue that work through anybody. I just wish it was through Sean. I would love to go back to the comfortable life we had together. Boy was it good!
I miss Sean's strength and love. I miss him touching me. I miss the snuggles and looking into his eyes. I miss his hugs after having a hard day. I miss talking to him over coffee in the morning. I miss rubbing his back and arms while he drifted off to sleep. I miss seeing him walk in the door. I miss seeing the boys light up and go running out to greet him. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss his big shoes. I miss putting away his laundry. I miss dinner conversations. I miss seeing Sean get the boys motivated to clean up after dinner. I miss his kisses and his soft but scratchy neck. I miss holding his hand at church. I miss just about everything about him.
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