We have been so busy!  Our pancake breakfast fundraiser was amazing.  We raised almost enough to pay for the rest of the school year!  I think we only need $145 to finish it up.  How amazing!!  There was a good turn out and it was lots of fun.  So many people came to help out with the event that it all seemed to come together just right.  Thank you helpers!!

We also had a birthday party for a friend here at our house last night.  It was a big day but so full of fun and blessings.  We had the privilege of meeting another Jacob who is 9 years old.  He was so sweet and polite.  After the party was over, Christopher told me that Jacob was sad for him because his dad died.  I asked what Jacob said.  Christopher told me that Jacob prayed with him.  Wow!  What an amazing kid! 

I can't believe how busy we have been.  It's good to keep us going but I am ready for a break.  It's just that the boys aren't really into resting at this point in life.  I think we'll go out to pick some fruit today.  At least I'll be sitting down while I drive us out there!

We camped at Lake Roosevelt last weekend.  After getting home and sleeping on it, I determined that it was a good trip and we would do it again.  It was hard for me emotionally but also good for me to know that camping is doable without Sean.  My friends took some of the burden off of me so I could ease into the whole thing without Sean.  They took care of all the meals and helped out so much with the boys.  They had the big kids out on a boat all day Saturday.  Boy did they sleep good that night!!

Although it's been really hard lately for me in the grief process, I am also seeing God's love too.  I am learning to really lean on Him and seek him out in ways that I most likely never would have before losing Sean.  Sean was my spiritual leader and so full of wisdom that I would usually take the easy way and just go ask Sean.  It's alot different to pray and listen and wait for an answer.  God's voice and leading are so different.  It seems though, that we are actually starting to have conversations.  I hadn't really experienced that before.  It's true that we have to practice the presence of God.  He's always there, we just don't really know how to tune into Him.  Lord, please keep growing me.  I want to hear and obey!

I don't understand why Sean couldn't stay here to finish this race with me.  I do see all the growth in my life and in those around me.  I do see Sean's life and death making an impact on others.  Sometimes I think really pessimistic thoughts about life and humanity.  It seems that people live and die and don't really matter much after they pass on.  We make people so important while they are with us and then just forget about them when they are no longer present.  I want Sean's life and death to matter for a long time to come.  I want to see people making positive changes in their lives because of Sean's example.  I want to pass on all the amaziing things about Sean to his sons. 

Sean was creating a legacy of involved and loving fathering.  He was changing the whole course of our family tree.  We both grew up pretty distant from our fathers.  We both felt the heartache of having that longing for something more.  Sean was not going to let our boys feel that.  He lived for family time.  It makes no sense to me why a man whose primary desire was to be here for his family had to die so young.  So many men are out there living for themselves and just giving the minimum to their wives and children.  Why did a man who was wanting to help other men love and serve their families have to leave this world so early?  He was doing so much that seemed so important.  I know that God can continue that work through anybody.  I just wish it was through Sean.  I would love to go back to the comfortable life we had together.  Boy was it good!  

I miss Sean's strength and love.  I miss him touching me.  I miss the snuggles and looking into his eyes.  I miss his hugs after having a hard day.  I miss talking to him over coffee in the morning.  I miss rubbing his back and arms while he drifted off to sleep.  I miss seeing him walk in the door.  I miss seeing the boys light up and go running out to greet him.  I miss the sound of his voice.  I miss his big shoes.  I miss putting away his laundry.  I miss dinner conversations.  I miss seeing Sean get the boys motivated to clean up after dinner.  I miss his kisses and his soft but scratchy neck.  I miss holding his hand at church.  I miss just about everything about him.